Oops, Wrong World
by Elaienar
Summary: It was a bright and sunny day - and then all of a sudden it wasn't. Hey, where'd the world go? Crossover with Harry Potter.
1. Naruto Is Relocated

Disclaimer: Can't think up anything clever to say. I don't own Naruto or Harry Potter.

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**Oops, Wrong World**

(Prequel to _Harry Potter and the Orange Alien_.)

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It was the third week of Naruto's third trip away from the familiar ground enclosed within Konoha's great walls, and he and Jiraiya were camped out in small clearing in a large forest. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the wind was cool and refreshing, the grass was green, the trees were _also_ green (albeit a shade darker): the world, in short, was at peace.

And Naruto was bored out of his mind.

"Hey," he said, prodding his slumbering teacher with one foot. "Aren't you going to wake up? Hey, it's morning already, you know."

Jiraiya pulled his sleeping bag up under his chin and rolled away from Naruto's gentle kicks. "Jus' five more hours...."

"Hours!" yelped Naruto, horrified. "You're supposed to be training me, you dumb old geezer, not getting drunk every night and sleeping in 'til twelve _every single day_! Wake up!"

"'M sleepy," groaned Jiraiya. "Train y'self."

Naruto glowered. "Fine, I will! And I'll become Hokage and then I'll – I'll make sake _illegal_! And women!"

He stomped off into the surrounding greenery.

Five minutes later, having realized how difficult – not to say impossible – making women illegal would be, Naruto was back. He did a trick with some string that would douse Jiraiya with a bucketful of cold water if the old man so much as twitched, and then wandered off again, looking for another clearing away from their campsite – but not _too_ far away. Maybe the sound of Naruto hitting every tree in the near vicinity with Rasengan would make Jiraiya cover his ears or at least wake up.

And he could feed his anger into training. He created a single Kage Bunshin and then, after a moment of reflection, used a kunai to carve a caricature of Jiraiya's face into the bark of the first tree on his hit list. His other self grinned and gave him a thumbs-up, then moved into position for Rasengan.

As always, the feeling of power rushing from his hand – swirling dangerously, molded into deadly perfection – made him feel light-headed and focused at the same time, his vision narrowing and sharpening until all the world was himself and his target and the space separating them.

Naruto flung himself forward, the Kage Bunshin vanishing in a puff of smoke behind him as he screamed a battle-cry, covered the distance with lightning speed –

And then the air before him was screaming, ripping apart, a black scar in the fabric of the world where greenery and bark should have been, and he was going too fast to stop – and it was _pulling_ him – and then the blackness was all around him and he was falling, bringing Rasengan forward to shield himself from the black ground rushing up at him.

Then Rasengan made contact with the ground, and the resulting explosion flung Naruto fifty feet through the air, slamming him into the side of what felt suspiciously like a concrete wall. He channeled chakra into his hands and feet reflexively, and clung to the concrete while bits of rock and rubble thundered and clattered around him. Below him, glass was smashing.

Once the last clattering of falling rock had faded away, Naruto scrambled down the side of the building – he could see that it was a building now, and it wasn't completely dark either, thanks to the street-lights nearby – and onto the street below, which was also concrete. There was a large, ragged hole in the middle of the street; he felt rather proud of it.

He would have been prouder if he'd had more attention to spare from his surroundings and the question nagging at him petulantly:

Where the heck am I?

Not five minutes before he had been in the middle of a forest, in the middle of the day. Now he was in a city, surrounded by tall buildings in which lights were beginning to come on, and it seemed to be the middle of the night. Also, the only person on the street was several yards away from him, and, despite the fact that he had just blown a sizeable chunk of the street to kingdom come, was paying him no attention at all. Instead he was waving one arm in the air and spouting gibberish in a voice that he would have said reminded him of Hinata's if it hadn't been a man's.

Above Naruto, the lights in windows – which had started coming on while he was plastered to the wall – began to go off in twos and threes. This was odd; usually, when he blew people's streets up, they liked to come out and yell at him for a bit. Naruto scratched his head thoughtfully and then shrugged.

"Hey," he shouted to the gibbering man. "Where is this?"

The man made no response, except to cast him a harried kind of glance and babble faster. He was walking slowly towards Naruto as he spoke, and when he moved into the circle of light cast by a streetlamp, Naruto saw that the hand he was waving was grasping a short stick. Naruto wondered briefly if the stick was some kind of weapon, and then if the man was insane.

"Heeeeeeeey," he repeated. "Hey, mister. Where am I?"

The man scowled at him. It might have been a better scowl if he hadn't had glasses, or if his mouth had been shut; as it was, it barely registered at all. Still gibbering, he crossed the space between them at a hasty trot, and wound up about a yard away from Naruto, ending his incomprehensible rant with a final-sounding kind of sentence. Then he stopped and lowered his hands.

Naruto stared at him.

The man stared back, panting a little. He wiped his brow with one shaking hand. He looked to his left and his right, and turned and looked behind him, and glanced over Naruto's shoulder as well. Then he straightened, stomped to within a foot of Naruto, and began shouting.

Naruto relaxed. He still couldn't understand a word the man was saying, but he recognized the tone immediately, having heard it many, many times in his almost-thirteen years of life. It meant, approximately, "You brat, that was my favorite rosebush/evil minion/house/pet/small village/wife, and _just look what you've done to it!_" (There was also a definite hint of Tone #17: _How Dare You Do That In Public!_) This was familiar. He could deal with this, just as soon as the mousey glasses guy stopped shouting.

After several minutes the man did stop, panting heavily from the exertion, and glared at Naruto. (It was Glare #5: _And What Have You Got to Say for Yourself, Hey?_)

"I'm not the one who put the road there!" retorted Naruto. "It's not _my_ fault."

Apparently the man hadn't realized that Naruto didn't speak his language until then, for he looked taken aback for a moment. Then he said something in an exasperated tone. It sounded to Naruto like a variation of Tone #29: _Can't You Stop Mumbling and Speak Up?_

"You're the one talking nonsense," argued Naruto. "And what's with the funny nightgown?" He gestured at the offending garment, which was black and had less class than even the late Sandaime's decidedly uncool robes.

Although he might not have understood the words, Naruto's tone or gesture seemed to strike a chord with the man. The scowl returned, he growled something (#19:_ That's It, I'm Talking to Your Sensei About This!_) and then reached out to grab Naruto's shoulder.

Naruto batted his hand away and jumped back out of his reach. "You wanna start something?" he demanded. "You'd better watch it, I'm Hokage material, and if you don't keep your hands to yourself I'll cut them off, see." To make himself perfectly clear he drew a kunai and waved it about a bit.

The nightgown guy backed away with a squeak that increased his vocal resemblance to Hinata, and pointed his little stick at Naruto before speaking again. This time his inflection was a little more wobbly than Naruto was used to, but he was still able to identify the tone with ease:

Tone #31:_ If You Don't Cut That Out There's Going to Be Trouble!_

Naruto slammed his hands together. "Oh yeah?" he shouted. "You're on!"

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A/N:** The continuation of this can be found with my other fanfiction, entitled, truthfully but hardly inventively, _Harry Potter and the Orange Alien_. I've been thinking about expanding on this by continuing it to cover the same period of time covered in OA, only from Naruto's point of view (third person). I'm not sure I could do it inventively enough that it would be worth reading, unfortunately. If you think it's a good idea, though, drop me a line in a review or a PM and I'll hop to it.

Thanks for reading!

**Edit:** Okay, having recieved feedback in re: continuing this as a parallel to OA, I've decided to go for it. Updates for this story, however, will probably be much slower than those for OA, since I'll be keeping OA as my highest-priority project. Thanks for the reviews!


	2. Jiraiya Is Perplexed

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Sasuke would have drowned in a tragic bathing incident at the tender age of two, and the story would all be about Naruto. So no, I do not own. At all. Any.

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**Oops, Wrong World**

**Chapter Two: In Which Jiraiya Is Perplexed**

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Jiraiya was dreaming, and it was a pleasant dream. It involved a pleasantly compliant Tsunade and sake, which, as far as Jiraiya was concerned, were the two best things in the world. Maybe in the universe. Maybe in a _lot_ of universes.

So he was note entirely happy to be awakened from his dream by a deluge of ice-cold water. Scratch that, he was entirely _un_happy. No, scratch that, too - he was _furious_. He jumped to his feet with a roar of rage.

"_NARUTO!_"

He followed the first roar with a second, in which he explained exactly was he was going to do to Naruto, how long it was going to take, and how many medic-nin they'd need to piece him back together when he was done. Then he explained, still in a roar, what kinds of tortures he would add to the already impressive list if Naruto didn't get his little orange butt out of hiding and back to Jiraiya _right then_.

Then he waited. Water dripped off the end of his nose. In the distance, a single cricket chirped once in a faint, shell-shocked sort of way. A few million leaves rustled, unalarmed by his threats.

Naruto made no sound.

_That_ was when Jiraiya began to feel that something was wrong. He couldn't hear Naruto. He could _always_ hear Naruto. The kid had a voice like a boy-shaped orange bullhorn, and though he could be surprisingly stealthy (well, surprisingly stealthy for the most flamboyant ninja in Konoha), to Jiraiya's senses, Naruto at his most devious had all the stealthiness of a bull elephant on a rampage.

And yet Jiraiya could not hear him _at all_.

Jiraiya sneezed, and decided, hopefully, that Naruto must have wandered out of hearing range. Well, he'd soon find him: the traces he'd left when he'd set up his annoying (if ingenious) water-trap were visible from where he stood. Wringing out his sopping sleeves, Jiraiya considered the tracks with a practiced eye. The kid had apparently performed some kind of war-dance around Jiraiya's bedding, gone off into the forest, come back, set up his trap, and left again, going in a slightly different direction than the first time. These last tracks were the ones Jiraiya followed, almost crawling to make sure he didn't miss anything. (Naruto might be inexperienced, but he was a shinobi, and shinobi didn't leave tracks. He didn't want to lose his way because the boy had suddenly remembered not to leave a trail of destruction in his wake.)

As he tracked, he plotted Naruto's painful death. Except that he couldn't actually kill or maim him, so painful training exercises would have to do. No, he'd go a step further: he'd make the exercises _boring_. Jiraiya repressed an evil cackle with some difficulty.

Five minutes later, crouched at the edge of a smallish clearing, he was feeling much less devious and much more annoyed. And confused. In his lifetime he'd seen many things that most (well, most civilians, anyway) would consider strange: he associated with talking toads on a regular basis, one of his teammates could demolish entire buildings with a single chakra-enhanced flick of her finger, while the other was in a fair way to gaining the immortality he coveted, and his student occasionally grew a fox-shaped exoskeloton made of solid chakra. The point _is_, Jiraiya of the Sannin was not easily fazed.

The hole in the air was giving him pause, however.

It was a few feet from the edge of the clearing, away to his left: a ragged black patch of - nothing. It was nothing wide and nothing tall and nothing deep, and it was giving Jiraiya cognitive dissonance on top of his hangover as his eyes and his brain attempted to tell him, simultaneously, that it was there and that it wasn't, and it was _very annoying_.

It could have been a genjutsu, except that a low-level genjutsu would have been dispelled with a simple "_Kai_!" and, well, he was _fairly_ sure that he would have noticed being put under a high-level genjutsu. The few shinobi experienced and fast enough to get the drop on Jiraiya of the Sannin were not (fortunately) the sort of people who blended in well with trees and dirt. Those Uchiha eyes stood out from pretty much everything (except blood).

No, it was definitely there. Except that it wasn't. Jiraiya stared at it for another five seconds, nonplussed, and then went back to his tracking, fervently hoping that inexplicable nothings had nothing to do with Naruto's silence.

Two minutes later he was more annoyed than ever. Naruto's tracks had meandered around the clearing until they reached a tree uncomfortably close to the nothing, where they suddenly multiplied. (The tree had been decorated with a rough sketch, in the Impressionist style, of something that was either an exploding turtle or an upside-down jellyfish. As Jiraiya was fairly sure that Naruto had never seen a jellyfish, and was clever enough to tell up from down _most_ of the time, he decided that it was a turtle.) The twin tracks then wandered away from the tree until they were near the center of the clearing, in a location that meant that the hole-in-the-air was directly between them and the artistic tree, where one of them vanished and the other went straight at the nothing, wide-spaced and deep, as if Naruto had been running, and - disappeared.

Jiraiya stared at his student's last footprint, and then stared at the unmarked, untouched, undisturbed, and _extremely unhelpful_ ground around it. Then he scoured the clearing, unsuccessfully, for any other traces of Naruto. Then he climbed up ever tree in the near vicinity to check there, in case the boy had suddenly been taken with a fancy to make like a monkey. When his examination of the nearby flora revealed nothing, he clambered back down and paced around the hole-in-the-air.

In his opinion, there was a lot of evidence suggesting that the hole had eaten Naruto.

(There was also a great deal of evidence suggesting that he had gone mad. He decided to ignore it for the time being.)

Jiraiya stared balefully at the shinobivorous hole. Leave it to his idiotic student to perish in this particular way: devoured by a ravening patch of nothingness. If he hadn't been so annoyed, he'd have spared a moment to be proud of Naruto's ... originality. Yeah, "originality" sounded good. Better than "unfathomable depths of stupidity", anyway.

But he _was_ annoyed, so rather than indulging in maudlin sentiment, he glared at the hole.

"Give me back my student," he demanded, in case the nothing was a sentient nothing.

The hole-in-the-air was silent.

"I know you did it," said Jiraiya, releasing a focused wave of killing intent that would have made the most hardened of shinobi go a little green around the gills. "And you can't possibly not recall which of your doubtless numberless victims I'm talking about. He's very loud and very orange. Abotu so high, so wide - you probably ate him 'cause he was boring you with his story about how he's going to become Hokage."

The hole-in-the-air remained unresponsive.

Jiraiya sighed and gave up on threatening. The nothing had eaten Naruto, and yet it wasn't alive. Thoughtfully, he prodded it with one finger. Or at least he tried. Since there was nothing there, _naturally_ his finger just went through it. Or it would have if there'd been anything _to _go through. Which there wasn't.

Jiraiya sighed again and sat down, narrowing his eyes and setting his jaw in his serious thinking expression. He was wet, he was hungover, and he wanted his breakfast, but he _would_ figure out what the nothing had done to Naruto and rescue him. And then he would make them both pay for ruining his morning. Early afternoon. Whatever. He wasn't sure what an appropriate punishment for a cubic nothing of nothingness was, but as for Naruto, he would train the stupidity right out of the idiotic moron.

He wasted another few minutes composing several more epithets (and epitaphs) for Naruto, and then returned to his detective work. He would get to the bottom of this, even if it killed him.

(Though if it annoyed him much more, he was quitting. This had _definitely_ not been in his contract.)

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**A/N:** Well that certainly took me long enough. In my defence, I plead (in no particular order) real life, computer troubles, family illnesses many and varied, and common or garden laziness. Right now I'm looking at expanding this another two, maybe three chapters - as someone said, covering the ground I already did in _Harry Potter and the Orange Alien_ would be redundant, so this will be more like a collection of one-shots focusing on moments Harry missed (such as Hermione teaching Naruto English and Ron teaching him profanity) than a story with, you know, a storyline and a_ plot_. So I'll see you later, once I've got the next chapter written. Thanks for all the reviews and favourites!


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